Wednesday, June 29, 2011

taking possession

I wandered off my path in therapy. I started therapy with Dr. B however many years ago to find a way to integrate my parts and become "whole."  And that's what I primarily worked on - trauma healing to become whole - until the end of last year when other life stuff veered me off my course. This 'life' stuff was important but lately, I was beginning to feel that therapy was more of a chat time than a healing time and although I am more 'whole' than I have ever felt in my entire life, I don't think I'm quite done.

So, I told Dr. B last night that I need to get back on course to finish my work. "I feel so different," I told her. "I look at life in a whole new way; I feel positive and lighter, and more complete. I just feel better." She smiled and said that I was so much better. "Look at the boundaries you have just recently set!" Another miracle, I'm sure.

"I'm not really sure how I got here. I talk to you; I cry to you; I complain to you and then you ask me to sit quietly and feel what's going on inside my body." And I've been doing this for several years and I feel better but I don't know how it works. She has explained to me how it works - somatic experiencing - but it's still not easy to fathom. It feels like it should be more, more painful, more devastating, more suffering. Maybe I have just forgotton.

Time was up and she isn't one to run over. "If I were to sum it up in one sentence," she pondered. "Hmmm...I would say, 'you took possession of yourself.'"

I like that. Maybe I took back possession of myself but I'm not so sure I ever had possession.

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