Tuesday, January 27, 2009

dreaming again

January 26, 2009.
I walked into a conference room -- long beautiful wood table in a very elegant, old building. I was meeting with Heads of States and professors and other dignitaries. I was decked out in a business suit (skirt, jacket) and high heels. I walked into the room where everyone was already seated and walked to the head of the table to sit. Just before I sat down, I pooped. It just dropped out from beneath my skirt and plopped on the floor. It was huge like a great dane's pile of crap would be. I didn't pay any attention although I was well aware it happened. I pulled a chair up over the pile of shit and sat down for the meeting. I was concerned about the smell but I was the only one who seemed to notice. After the meeting I pushed my chair back and accidently stepped in the pile of crap and it got all up in my heels and on my purse and I was grabbing tissues and trying to clean it up all the while making excuses about how it got all over my shoes and purse. Oh, I must have stepped in it on my way over here. I was hoping that no one would notice the smeared pile of shit under my chair.


January 23, 2009.
Well, I think you attached me last night, back to my emotions. I had dreams again, dreams about you, my sister. Dreams that were rife with anxiety and upset. And this morning I just cried and cried. I have been so detached the last two weeks and I haven't dreamed. But you brought me back and even though it pains me, it is good.

I dreamed that I was in the water -- the river -- there was a wall on one side of the river - a tall unscalable wall, and the other side of the river was never-ending. I was holding on to this long inflatable tube that was almost flat and barely kept me afloat. I was exhausted and I was looking for something at the bottom of the river. The water was crystal clear but I couldn't see anything and I was so tired I could barely hold on to this tube and my sister was way up above on the wall, telling me not to give up, to keep looking.

Next I dreamed I was at the playground of the elementary school in Upper Nyack and there was a carnival. You (the LOML) and I were there as adults and we walked over to this merry-go-round where everyone on it was naked and bending over and moaning and I was totally disgusted by it. But you wanted to go on it and you waited in this line for your turn (and I wasn't happy) and then you took off your clothes and got onto the merry-go-round. I watched you sort of hump and slither on top of all these really obese and filthy nude bodies. You weren't engaged in intercourse or anything overtly sexual (like blowjobs, or grabbing breasts) -- you were just kind of bent over and sliding around on top of these other naked bodies (but you had a hard on and I could tell you were rubbing your balls hard against the other bodies) and everyone was moaning and groaning and making all kinds of sexual noises. I was totally upset and walked away. You found me and were telling me that it was nothing, it was just simple fun and human contact and why was I turning it into something sexual. I was like, no way, it was very sexual and I was crying and yelling at you to stop trying to make me believe otherwise.

Friday, January 16, 2009

dream collection

Sometime in March 2009. I was recruited by someone to give an alcoholic man a ride back across the bridge to Nyack. He was an old drunken man, scruffy, unshaven, smelly, drooling, big in stature. He climbed into the front seat of my car and I headed across the river directly to Mountain View Avenue but the man yelled at me that he wasn't going there and to take him to Chicken Charlie's Bar on Franklin Street. I told him it didn't exist anymore. He was screaming at me, berating me, calling me a liar, and told me to take him to DeMartini's Bar on High Street. Again, I told him it was now a condominium. He was furious and he was scaring me. I quickly manuevered the car through the traffic on Main Street and headed directly to the hospital. I was getting frustrated and panicked because the hospital had been rennovated and was much larger and I couldn't find the ER entrance. I wasn't dropping the old bastard off, I was running for safety.


January 6, 2009. I was sitting in a tiny restaurant in a small new england coastal town (at least that's how it looked and felt) and I was telling my sister about something/someone evil that was trying to destroy me. She told me that we were going to leave and go find it and kill it. We went outside into the woods - it was a beautiful spring day -- and we wandered through the woods, and meadows, and by the ocean looking for this threatening being. I was not able to describe it (or him) to my sister but I knew it was around me all the time. She had a baseball bat. When we first stepped outside of the restaurant, I saw this butterfly and I screamed to my sister that it was the beast that was tormenting me. She looked at it and said it was only a butterfly and I looked again, and it was only a butterfly. But I had seen this evil being woven into the design of the butterfly's wing. It wasn't there anymore. Then I looked off into the meadow we were approaching and I saw it everywhere in every blade of grass swaying in the breeze. I kept pointing this out to my sister, totally freaking out, but she couldn't see anything or feel anything. Finally we made our way back to the diner and I heard this moaning, like a dying animal, and I told my sister, look, there it is. She took off after something, swinging her bat all over the place at something she couldn't see, and I heard screeching and crying, and I woke up.

Second dream - I was in a large room -- like a prison cafeteria -- and it was filled with people and children sitting at long tables. The room was totally packed and had a wretched stench, like urine, and decaying bodies, and excrement. There were these tiny windows way high up on the walls, near the ceiling, which were closed. The lights cast a bluish tint over everything. Everyone was just sitting, like prisoners, some crying, some moaning, others with their heads down on the table, only there were no guards or fences or anything to hold them inside. I thought that they were in a self-imposed prison. I was freaked out and was with this woman who grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the room. We ran into this house - a split level house that is often in my dreams - and this woman hustled me into a bedroom and told me to quickly get dressed so that we could escape. I was wearing flipflops and grabbed a pair of socks and a shirt to take with me. I put on a navy blue t-shirt with a message (I don't remember) and was trying to stuff my socks & shirt into my pocket. I didn't want anyone to know that i was going to sneak out. This man entered, an older man with a Charlie Mason air about him, and grabbed my socks & shirt from me so I couldn't escape and told me to hurry up and get going. He came over to me to see what was written on my t-shirt and he was smoothing the fabric across my breasts with his hands. I was frozen, not breathing. The woman distracted him and he stopped. Then he walked out of the room. This woman with me grabbed my arm and started to pull me toward the front door. I stopped at the bathroom door and was just about to go in to find my socks & shirts when the woman screamed at me to stay away from the bathroom. She yelled, "Don't you remember what happens in the bathroom?"

January 1, 2009. You were showing me this house that you just purchased for us to move into. It was a big old victorian house with lots of passageways, doorways, rooms, hallways, etc -- sort of like the Adams family house. Anyway we were inside and I was very uncomfortable and didn't particularly like the house and couldn't understand why you purchased it without talking to me. You were playing this kind of cruel game of hide and seek with me in the house, running from room to room, through secret passageways, and everytime I thought I found you, you would disappear and an apparition of Chuck would appear and totally freak me out. Then i ran into this large octogonal shaped room in the front of the house with lots of windows draped with old, torn fabric, and in the middle of the room was Henry lying on his side on a marble slab (like from a graveyard). His eyes were closed but his head was turning like he was watching my movements. I ran out of the room and into the foyer and you were standing there. I was very upset and just as I was about to scream your name, you turned into Chuck and I screamed out Chuck terrified and woke up.

My second dream - I was in Nyack on Christmas Eve. All of Main Street was lit up with beautiful winter lights and decorations and people strolling around dressed up in fancy wool coats and hats -- families with children. It was really late - wee morning hours -- and I was sitting on the curb outside the police station (the first place we went to) just north of Main Street. There were no decorations or people or joy where I was sitting. I was watching the festivities from where I was sitting. An older man approached me and offered to buy me a sandwich and I got up and started to walk with him. We went to the pizza restaurant on the corner of Main Street which bustling with patrons and he told me to sit down at a table while he ordered my sandwich at the counter. I sat at a table with this creepy old black man and a blonde haired woman. The man kept eyeing me salaciously (?) while he was talking to the blonde woman about the sexual things he was going to do to her. I was very creeped out (I was young) and the looks he was giving me where frightening me. Anyway I decided the only I could do was whip out my camera and tell him I wanted to take some portraits on him so he would shut up. He started to pose, staring straight into the camera with this very weird expressions and I was taking photos but it was also scaring me so I suggested he and the blonde woman get up and sing or do some sort of performance for the patrons. They did, along with some other customers, and I tried to take photos of them but every time I took a picture, everyone's face was obscured.

November 1, 2008. I had two rather strange dreams. FIrst I dreamed I was walking across a bridge - there was a paved blacktop road and a sidewalk attached on the side. The bridge peaked at 160 feet over a raging river and I decided to walk across on the road part because it seemed more stable. As I got to the highest point the blacktop gave way - it was actually painted fabric (like canvas) and it shredded from moisture and rot. I was clinging to shreds of this fabric hanging high over the river. I didn't fall though. I grabbed another piece of hanging fabric and sort of like Tarzan I swung from one hanging shred to the next until I got to safety. I had these unbelievably strong arms.

My next dream - I was moving and I got rid of all my stuff -- everything and moved into a furnished apartment. WHen I walked into the apartment I rented the first thing I noticed was the dresser I had gotten rid of. THen I walked into the bathroom and it was pretty disgusting - the floor was bright yellow tiles that were all broken and missing and chipped. There was a clawfoot bathtub but the rim was broken and someone had tried to glue a bath mat over it. The toilet was in the middle of the floor and on the wall behind the toilet, leaning against the wall, was the mirror that went with the dresser I had thrown out. I was very upset.

September 23, 2008. I had a dream that I went to look at house for us and found one (that was very similar to something in my past). It was a Victorian house with lots of rooms owned by Heidi Klum. I don't how she snuck into my dreams. It was kind of rundown but being fixed up and I went in to look around. It had an octogonal livingroom w/lots of windows of all shapes and sizes, some on the floor, some on the ceiling. Then there was a writing room with two antique writing desks, and the kitchen consisted of about 5 separate rooms each filled with gorgeous antiques and interesting architecture. I was very excited.